Better People
by notoriouslig
Summary: Why Erica left.


She often threatened to cut out their hearts. Without missing a beat she could do it. Lie to her, talk back to her, disrespect her in any way and she made clear that the next heart a daring resident would see would be her own--as Erica cut it out with a steak knife.

The threat served her well as it generally led to residents who were as ready as they could be when they scrubbed in with her. The residents didn't want anything to go wrong while they were on her service, so they overprepared for procedures, studied up on Erica's surgical style, and made sure to tell her anything about a patient that they thought could go wrong. She figured they did this so that if anything went wrong, it wouldn't be blamed on them.

She smirked as she thought of how the very threat of having Erica Hahn's wrath directed at them was enough to make them seriously consider what they did with her before they did it.

All of them—except Callie.

Why was Callie the only person in the whole hospital incapable of recognizing behavior that would make Erica tear out a heart?

She'd looked right at her and wiggled as she left with Mark Sloan—on the night she herself had organized the girls to go out with Addison. After that, she'd just disappeared, preferring to leave Erica wondering what had happened to their friendship rather than tell her about Mark. Despite being the one who supposedly talked out her emotions, Callie had left it up to Erica to define the importance of their friendship to her. She'd had to put words to the fact that she was awkward and didn't trust people, but that the uncertainty of their friendship was hurting. Later, when Erica had tearfully confessed the life-changing effect their relationship was having on her, Callie had run off. Not just away from her, but to Mark.

If the situation hadn't been personal and had instead been medical, Erica would have let Callie know the full extent of her disappointment long ago. But Dr. Wyatt had tried to convince her that emotional matters of the heart could not be dealt with in the same way as physical matters.

"Erica, your residents fear you and need you to get to where they're going professionally. That's why they'll take the threats to heart. Deep down, they know being on their game will make them better doctors. Your friends and lovers, they don't take threats or bullying the same way. They don't need to, because rarely do threats help make emotionally better people."

Callie had once told her that her first reaction to relationships was a bit of a freak out, so Erica knew she would have reason to practice being understanding. At Canto, she saw the signs of a panic attack the minute Callie walked in. The easy, inviting, first smile that was so attractive about Callie was gone. Instead, everything about her looked uncomfortable.

She squirmed in the dress Erica knew she loved. She sighed upon sitting at the candlelit table. She gripped the table as she spoke. She nervously looked around, scared that any eyes would be on her, when she'd never seemed to care before.

The speech about the motherland had left Erica at a loss. The strong, passionate, intelligent doctor she'd gotten to know and fall for in recent months was gone, seemingly replaced by an insecure girl unsure of how to ask for what she wanted or needed.

Here they were at a fabulous restaurant, looking gorgeous, each with their best friend, and all Callie could think to do was spew a series of inapt metaphors for being nervous about falling for your best friend. Still, Erica played along, all the while reassuring Callie of how she was willing to take it slow with a sophomoric, "maybe, just first base."

Then, after all those hours spent talking about what they meant, what they were doing, and why they were willing to do it, she'd sided with them instead of her. Callie hadn't learned a thing about who Erica was and why she was willing to wait, to listen, and to open up. Erica had been willing to grow with Callie, to figure it out with her, but Callie had been too wrapped up in herself to see that Erica needed her—too self-absorbed to see the signs that Erica couldn't take having her feelings come in second for much longer.

Already, Callie had missed the Chief's increased reprimands of Erica for how she dealt with the residents. She'd also missed that Erica had started to let emotions get the better of her during surgeries. More importantly, she'd missed that the hospital had already hired another cardiologist.

Erica had not missed any of these signs. They increasingly pointed to a fundamental shift in the personality of Seattle Grace and she had a decision to make. She could listen to Dr. Wyatt and patiently try to get the hospital and its doctors to become the better people she wanted them to be or she could tear their hearts out with a steak knife.

The latter worked more often and seemed to be the only thing that got results from doctors.

She left them all behind.


End file.
